Optimism Or Pessimism? What Is Better?

Immaculate lived in a constant depressed and apathetic state. She did not find anything that motivated her, nor did she seem to feel, in her life, illusion, joy or passion. When he came for the first time to the consultation, he told me: “It seems as if he was wearing opaque gray glasses that force me to see life in a negative, dark and dead-end way”

In our second working session I asked her how she would like to see life or, to use her own words, how she would like those glasses to be. Immaculate replied: “I would like to have some bubblegum pink glasses, so that I can see everything beautiful, bright, without complications or problems”

The desire for Immaculate is completely understandable in those who have spent their lives in a very pessimistic and gloomy end of existence. After so much pain and suffering, they long for a little light and tend to seek relief from their discomfort, just on the opposite side, that of exacerbated optimism.

However, as I explained to Inmaculada, the truth is that both exacerbated optimism and exaggerated pessimism are emotionally unhealthy personality states. I told her that if she changed her glasses from dull gray to bubblegum pink, she would still be trapped, albeit in a different way, in pain and suffering.

Denying discomfort and inventing a rosy life does not solve problems, nor does it help us find balance in our lives.

Neither end is healthy

Both exacerbated pessimism and optimism can take us away from reality and push us to live in a fantasy.

The extreme pessimist will see everything black, will become depressed and will be unable to move forward, while the exacerbated optimist will go mad at any endeavor, regardless of the possible dangers that may appear.

Our way of interpreting life is greatly influenced by the model that we have had in our parents.

If we were raised through fear and extreme repression, we will see threats and darkness everywhere. If we were raised through pessimism and negativity, we will think that we are worthless and that there is no hope for us.

If our parents were too lax and carefree, at the time, we did not learn to recognize possible dangers and today, we can sometimes act unconsciously and dangerously.

The case of Immaculate and the search for the pink glasses

Inmaculada’s parents transmitted to their daughter a very negative vision of life in which any small risk – or any circumstance that was out of the known – could turn into a mortal danger. Throughout all her childhood, the girl did not stop hearing phrases such as “a bird in hand is better than a hundred flying” or “the nail that sticks out is the one that receives the first blow”.

From a very young age, Immaculate, she got used to being on guard, to waiting for misfortunes to occur around her and this, gradually, was consuming all her energy. His “dark glasses” were the result of the sum of the negative attitude of his parents and their defeatist way of facing life.

In consultation, Inmaculada worked to understand the origin of her negativity and extreme pessimism.

Throughout his sessions, he was able to detach himself in this harmful way of seeing the life he had inherited from his parents.

He was also able to understand that, throughout our lives, we all go through all kinds of circumstances. Some more rewarding and some less, some happy, some painful, etc. Immaculate, she learned to flow, to enjoy pleasant experiences and confidently face those that were not so pleasant.

In one of her last sessions, Inmaculada told me: “I no longer want glasses, or dark ones, or roses. I want to live life for real, to be able to learn from mistakes and move on ”.

The glasses, the more transparent the better

Both extreme pessimism and optimism are two sides of the same coin, that of denial. As always, in balance is health. Being aware of reality and being able to analyze situations as they are, with all their nuances and colors, gives us understanding and emotional health.

Only in this way, from transparent glasses, we can make the healthiest decisions for our lives.