How To Enjoy Life More, In 12 Keys

We only have the present. Everything we can do and therefore enjoy is here, in the now. Do not let it escape by longing for the past or projecting into the future. Life does not wait. It is only truly lived when we make it our own, when we discover ourselves, trust, bet, make mistakes and start over.

The importance of enjoying life to the fullest

It is true that facing the challenge of our day to day seems increasingly difficult. It is true that the temptation to return to safer places in our past is at least as tempting as letting our fantasy fly into the idealized world of the future, where our dreams come true. And this statement is just as true for us as individual beings as well as for our partners and for our families. This is also the case for our town or city, for our province and, many times, even for our country. The world is truly a complicated space because it is not what it was and it is not what it will be; It is what it is here and now.

This combination of words, here and now – to which the wonderful and brilliant creator of Gestalt therapy, Fritz Perls paid attention more than fifty years ago – has been used so lightly in recent times that it can be said that it has progressively lost its original strength. Especially since it has been appropriated by dealers in illusions, cheap advertisers and politicians in bad faith, depriving it of its real meaning.

The routine that chains us

Even my practice, like that of all my colleagues, many men and women approach each year, whose biggest problem is experiencing the feeling that, having come to have everything they ever wanted, they cannot enjoy it. They talk, cry and complain; they lament “what they should have enjoyed in the past if they had realized what they now know, that they should have enjoyed at that time.”

These people are sure that this situation is beyond remedy because it is too late; However, they come to the consultation thinking about everything they are going to enjoy the day they overcome that problem. Away from the present, these patients permanently suffer what most of us sometimes suffer, oscillating between the frustration of that “how nice it would have been if …” and the expectation of “how beautiful it will be when …”.

Living in the moment, or living the future?

Let’s take an example of this situation. Let me imagine you in an unlikely situation. Suppose you belong to the Antegrade Club – that’s the name of the “how beautiful it will be when …” -. And let me flatter our ego by stating that this morning you woke up with a fierce desire to read our magazine. Due to this characteristic that I have just attributed to you, I can assume that you have not been able to enjoy the breakfast that someone dear to you has lovingly prepared for you because you were thinking about how much you wanted to read our articles.

However, now that you are reading them, you cannot fully enjoy the long-awaited reading either, since –almost unintentionally– you are thinking about how fantastic it will be to be able to share these concepts with your friends Joaquín and Eulalia, with whom you are meeting for dinner. tonight in a restaurant you’ve been wanting to know for a long time. Let’s imagine that dinner is spectacular. And the truth is that you could have completely enjoyed it if it weren’t for the fact that during the evening you couldn’t stop thinking about how good you will feel when you can get home to go to sleep, since today you are exhausted.

But if you really belong to this club, you shouldn’t have too many illusions about this moment because, surely, when you are in bed, it is very likely that you will not be able to sleep thinking about the amount of work that awaits you the next day. A job that, by the way, you love and that would be much more pleasant if it weren’t because, while you work, you spend the day calculating how much you need to raise the money that will allow you to access the credit of the apartment you want to buy. Although I sense with good judgment that, when you manage to live in the apartment, this will be the cause of a very fleeting joy because soon you will think how fantastic it will be when you no longer have to pay the mortgage … I continue? Better not.

Let’s give up the anxiety to achieve our dreams

The world, I was telling you, is what it is. And in it, whether we like it or not, I am who I am today, and you are the person you are today. Everything that we have deposited in our life in the past or everything that we can imagine of our future is today, only, a memory or a fantasy and, as such, they do not exist in tangible reality. The real world, the one that contains us and to which we belong, is only the present and it is the only true one.

However, anchoring in the present does not mean dispensing with experience. Rather, it consists of learning not to be a slave to it, but we will talk about that another time – and now don’t think about how beautiful it will be the day we talk about it. Do not interpret that you do not have to have projects because it is the opposite.

By living in the present I mean surrendering ourselves to our plans as a challenge that allows us to be surprised by everything; live every moment and every experience without anticipation, without conditions, without fear. I’m talking about projecting ourselves into the future, but without actually living in it. I’m talking about being at peace with the past to stop turning to it looking for excuses and justifications.

Someone might believe that this difference is subtle, but it is not. And the consequences of mixing those two ghosts with the reality of the present can sometimes be funny, but other times, dramatic.

I remember when I first started studying psychiatry, the world seemed to conspire against me, as everyone told me jokes about crazy psychiatrists and even more deranged patients – or was it the other way around: deranged patients and even crazier psychiatrists? One of those jokes is very relevant:

A supplier of medical instruments was visiting a psychiatric sanatorium in midsummer. From the small terrace where he had tea with the director, he could see the patients, in swimsuits, climbing the trampoline by the pool. From the top and to the spirited shout of “How beautiful will Thursday be!”, They threw themselves headlong, one after another.
The visitor, a bit surprised by the unanimity of the “battle cry”, dared to ask him:
—Why does everyone say the same when they jump? What happens on Thursdays?
The director slowly poured himself a little more tea and replied: ”
The other Thursdays I don’t know, but this Thursday they will fill the pool with water …

Here and now. We can now understand, in their essence, these two words together. They point out that in order to live, it is necessary to be anchored in the present, since the only true life is that which takes place in time and in the place where each one of us is.

Valuing the present as it deserves

The present is the result of everything we have lived through and it is always our best moment, especially since it is the only moment on which we can really act. At this moment, we can ask ourselves: What is necessary, what is necessary, what is the way to learn to act appropriately in this fleeting and eternal moment that is the present? The first condition to enjoy life more is to realize that life, with all its difficulties, is worth it. That is, realizing that the difficulties of our existence are also worth it: suffering, sadness and pain that we live.

It is worth insisting, creating, trying, failing, starting over, building and sharing. It is worth living, here and now, without procrastination. And more if we are willing to bet, almost blindly, for what follows, for the future, for the rest of our lives, which, as the song says, begins today.

To finish, I leave you with this poem that I wrote many years ago and that I titled “Brevedad”:

I was born today at dawn
I lived my childhood this morning
and around noon I was
already passing through my adolescence.
And it’s not that I’m scared
that time is passing
so quickly.
It just bothers me a little to
think that maybe tomorrow
I will be
too old
to do
what I have left
pending today .

12 steps to get your best version

Life is like a journey towards self-realization and, as in all paths, the reward does not wait for you on arrival, but you enjoy it with every step you take. This is a small travel guide that aims to make it easier for you.

1. Get to know yourself better

Knowing yourself means taking the time to connect with what you believe, think, feel and are, beyond what others would like. If you know who you are, you will recognize yourself in your actions and you will take responsibility for them. In the following article you will find many clues.

2. Learn to listen to what they say about you

As the Talmud says: “We have two ears and one mouth to remember that we should listen twice and speak half. ” I’m talking about active and committed listening that analyzes and understands without judging. We often despise what we ignore for fear of acknowledging our ignorance.
If you learn to listen to what others see in your attitudes and say about you, you will know the aspects of your person that are hidden in places blind to your own gaze.

3. Decide your freedom

Freedom referred to the internal process of autonomy and not to the vulgar and deceitful concept of “being able to do whatever each person wants. ” Freedom consists of the possibility or the right that each one has to choose one (and sometimes more than one) of the alternatives that are presented at a certain moment. You are responsible for your decisions, therefore, you are free to stay or leave, to say or be silent, to insist or abandon, to take risks and to look for what you need. Freedom is the ability to choose as much as possible and to bear the cost of your decisions.

4. Order the external and the internal

To get to your destination and not lose your way, it is necessary to privilege the important over the accessory, it is necessary to be patient in our demands and prioritize the great things over the trifles. Freedom and the ability to let yourself flow are not incompatible with putting some things in order. If we intend to end up taking care of everything, it is essential to start by putting the first in place before we take care of the last.

5. Open yourself to love

There is no personal fulfillment without the ability to feel loved and to love intensely, committed and selflessly. Be open to interest in the well-being of others, be it your child, mother, partner, neighbor or someone you don’t know. I am convinced that in order to reach the goal of self-realization it is essential that we be able to reap, at least, a relationship with someone who is not only important to us, but also manages to let us know that we are important to him; someone we can love and feel loved even in disagreements.

6. Choose good companies

Choose your fellow travelers well and do it with your heart and not with your head. We live in a competitive and consumerist society that makes it difficult for those around us to enjoy themselves. We live installed in a rush, we seek immediate pleasure. Often, wanting to monopolize everything, we lose ourselves and others, dispensing with the pleasure of sharing things with our friends.

7. Don’t be afraid of failure

The internal knowledge that leads to personal development is only accessed with the daily experience of living and making mistakes. If you do something right the first time, you will flatter your vanity, but you will not learn anything at all, in any case, you already knew it. If learning and growing is the most important thing for you, making mistakes will be an important and highly desirable part of the process.

8. Bring out your creative side

If you awaken your most creative side and discover that facts always have new aspects, you will be motivated to seek innovative answers. You may make more mistakes, but that will help you grow and enrich yourself. Creativity will help you find new answers to old problems or adapt old answers to new problems.

9. Invest every second of your life well

Isn’t it wonderful to always be able to enjoy the surprise that it means to release a new and unpredictable present every day; an eternal and renewable present? Every day gives you 86,400 seconds for you, but you don’t know how long this balance of daily time will last in your favor. It is your responsibility to invest every second in achieving the best for yourself and what you love.

10. Take it with a smile

Do not forget to laugh, despite your limitations or the restrictions that are imposed on you. Laugh to be able to act more wisely and not to deny or flee from problems. Healthy laughter, that which is not used to make fun of others, has a healing effect. Smile when it is easy and also when it costs you, you will learn so that you can get nothing to ruin your joy, not even the sadness of crying from time to time for something painful.

Externalize your internal smile, that of good humor, and share it generously, unconditionally and indiscriminately. We are responsible for avoiding the daily abuse to which we submit (bad temper, lack of education or cordiality …). You must grow in respect for others and not make others pay the price of your frustration or annoyance. Avoid the complaints of those who live angry with their own existence and seek accomplices of their bitterness.

11. Let go of your past, your addictions and attachments

Whenever someone travels a long road, they go through difficult moments in which it seems that the easiest thing is to abandon, forget the goal. You should take advantage of these moments to stop to check your luggage, to discover the excess weight that is preventing you from leaving. It is absurd to carry the past, with the old, with the stale, with what no longer serves you … And uphill! Think that what once served you may now no longer be useful.

12. Start over but not again

This step is called “starting over”, but not in the sense of doing the same thing again, but in the sense of returning, of going back, of walking towards the place where we erred. Start over and not over again, taking with you what you learned when you made a mistake to face the new mistakes that arise in your new journey. Come back with the awareness that now even you won’t be exactly who you were. It is important that you trust your abilities, gifts and possibilities to achieve your goals. You can achieve what you want if you abandon the urge, if you persevere and if you are congruent with your own desire. It is the certainty of the final result that will give you the strength to continue fighting for what you believe in.