Fear Of Being Alone: ​​4 Keys To Overcome It

Better alone than in bad company. We can even go beyond this cliché.

Good loneliness is what keeps us from bad company. Learning to use the time we spend alone, instead of wanting to escape loneliness at all costs, is as important a skill as knowing how to relate to others.

Of all the situations that cause us fear and concern, feeling alone is undoubtedly one of the most feared. In every corner of the globe, surveys show a correlation between personal happiness and the feeling of being surrounded by family and friends. “Feeling heard”, “meeting with my friends” or “being with happy people” are the most repeated statements.

Enjoy good solitude and good company

However, that can lead us to confusion, such as thinking that being surrounded by many people constitutes the guarantee of our happiness. Make no mistake, that depends above all on who they are with, on the profiles of the people who fill our environment and what their positive contributions are to our vital growth.

At a certain moment in life, some people realize that their closest circle contributes little to them, that they have discovered that what they have in common with them is scarce or they see that these relationships are empty of meaning.

It is precisely in these circumstances where loneliness acquires an essential value: it protects us from bad choices in the relationships we establish. For this reason, learning to manage loneliness is vitally important to our quest for well-being.

If you know how to be with yourself, you will better choose who you want to be with

When a person has not practiced the arts of solitude and has not learned to feel good about it, he desperately seeks the company of another. Anyone, by existing, can satisfy that need. On the other hand, if you know how to be with yourself, you will better choose who you want to be with.

However, if when we are alone we feel good, our level of demand with relationships increases and we look not only for people to accompany us, but also to enrich us, give us meaning and contribute, directly or indirectly, to make the best flourish. from ourselves.

There is nothing selfish or interested in wanting to surround ourselves with beings that benefit us and make us ascend in our process of transformation and personal improvement. On the contrary, it is a sign of coherence, intelligence and a clear desire to improve in life.

The fear of being alone: ​​a life without goals

There is another element that makes it even more bleeding: the pain of loneliness. These words by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his work Flow: “When one is alone and there is nothing to do …” express it perfectly . For many, the lack of structure in those lonely hours is devastating.

We are used to external stimuli and objectives helping us to keep our attention focused. Hence, for example, media such as television are so useful to so many people: the screen, with its predictable plots, familiar characters, and redundant advertisements, offers a certain order of consciousness and a reassuring pattern of stimulation.

It is relatively easy, when you have resources and company, to enjoy friends, feel committed at work, entertain yourself with a hobby that motivates you. The difficulty arises when we have to cope with our own inner resources, alone.

Loneliness should be experienced as an opportunity to acquire new skills and abilities

Learning to make use of time alone, instead of escaping from it, is as fundamental a skill as organizing efficiently or having healthy routines.

Being alone should be experienced as an opportunity to achieve goals that cannot be achieved with others, the person enjoys retirement and may even be able to acquire new skills and abilities.

On the contrary, if loneliness is experienced as a condition to be avoided at all costs, the person will panic and resort to meaningless distractions. Being alone doesn’t necessarily have to be a traumatic experience.

On the one hand, we must take it as an essential skill that protects and guarantees the quality of our relationships.

On the other, it implies generating challenges and personal goals whose realization requires moments of recollection and withdrawal. Only in this way will we eliminate the stereotypes that accompany this experience and learn to extract the best from it.

4 tips to enjoy being alone

1. Evaluate your relationships

Review your list of friends and family, and analyze what they bring you. Sometimes, some limit themselves, for example, to criticize others behind their backs. This practice extinguishes the light of our heart, deteriorating the health of our interactions.

2. Meet new people

The activities for which you have sympathy, or true devotion, and your hobbies are a good space to focus your energies. Finding people with whom we feel in tune and connection sometimes requires a good deal of willpower.

3. Reflect and identify your wishes

Your vital goals, pending subjects … Keep in mind all that you always wanted to do but required a quiet time alone that would facilitate your dedication and concentration.

4. Think small

It is about taking advantage of any moment to increase our culinary skills by learning new recipes; read that outstanding meditation book and put it into practice; look for a documentary about that historical event that arouses so much curiosity …