Enough Of Labels! Discover What Lies Beyond Your Prejudices

Iñaki was sitting at the bar of a small brewery making time before attending the annual dinner with his classmates from the University.

While having an aperitif beer, he was exchanging wasaps with his friend Carlos, whom he was waiting for.

Ready for the party? √√

Yes, although I am horribly lazy … as I touch the table with the “batallitas” I have it clear. √√

The one I’m going to flee from is the “handsome”. He wouldn’t know what to talk to him about. .. although he wouldn’t hold out for long either … √√

Focused on the screen of his cell phone, he did not realize that a pleasant older man had sat next to him. Noticing his presence, and connecting with his serene gaze, he felt strangely moved to engage in conversation with him, so he told her:

“Hi, I didn’t see you come in.” I’m doing time … Today we have the University promotion dinner. We meet every year since we finish our studies.

“It sounds familiar to me.” We did them for many years … although I have to admit that I was not very popular in my course. It was the “nerd.”

Iñaki smiled. He realized that all groups worked the same, labeling everyone. He was encouraged to ask:

“And did that fame last long?”

“I think I still drag her among the group members who still have a relationship.” The truth is that we haven’t seen each other for years.

After a brief silence, the old man asked Iñaki.

-And you? What is your label?

Iñaki was quick to reply:

“I don’t have any that I know of.”

The man looked Iñaki directly in the eye, and calmly said to him:
—Well, you’re very lucky not to have her; and how happy you would be at dinner tonight if you forgot everyone else’s!

Iñaki was absolutely taken aback. He did not know how to react. What was that comment about? Especially with a complete stranger … She was torn between wanting to know what the man meant by what he had said and the natural urge to ignore him completely and end the conversation right there.

In the end, curiosity won the game and wanted to know more.

“Explain it to me?”

-Of course. And first of all let me introduce myself: my name is Max.

—Inaki.

—You see, Iñaki, the labels we hang on people prevent us from seeing others as they are. They condition and restrict our perception, to the extent that we see from others only what the label confirms, losing a large part of them.

Iñaki listened carefully. What this stranger was telling him made all the sense in the world.

– And those who hang us do not let us advance. Our efforts to evolve go unnoticed to the point that we become discouraged in our attempt.

“A large number of people think they are thinking when they are just rearranging their prejudices” William James

Now it was clear to him: this waiting promised to be anything but inconsequential. Immersed in Max’s explanation, Iñaki asked him for more clarity.

“Tell me more, please.” How exactly does this loss of perception work?

“Our brain is sensitive to labels.” It perceives what matches them and ignores what does not match. In this way, if for example I think of someone who is heavy, I only perceive in him the signs of being heavy. If I think it is an exaggeration, I am especially sensitive to the slightest exaggeration. We perceive what matches our beliefs, nothing more than that.

I was, indeed, a “nerd” in the early years of college. But I was not in the last. And nobody noticed. There are people who never related to me because of it, and others who found it difficult to God and help change their perception of me. I still remember the comment of a colleague who, after months of being in contact with me, recognized me: “Well, for being the nerd, you are quite nice”.

Iñaki listened fascinated. That conversation was giving him a lot of light about some relationships he had with his former colleagues. Max continued his explanation.

“Thinking about dinner tonight: What chance are you giving the one with the tag on it?” What if because of that label you miss the opportunity to meet a wonderful person? Someone who has really changed and is not at all how you think?

Putting labels is giving up your ability to perceive and not seeing others as they are, but as you have already decided they are. You may be missing a lot along the way.

Iñaki’s mobile screen lit up. I had a new wasap:

Ready to put up with Pepe the “funny little”? √√

He wasn’t able to answer this time. He thought that yes, he was prepared, but not only to endure it, but also to discover what he really was like.

Draining his beer, he said to his companion:

“I’m going, and please let me invite you.”

Iñaki went to pay. He asked the waiter to include in the note the beer of the older man sitting next to him. The waiter hastened to ask:

“What man do you mean?”

Iñaki directed his gaze to the place where he had been sitting until a few seconds ago. There was only one empty glass on the bar, his beer. I did not understand anything. His curious companion had vanished. It seemed as if that revealing conversation had been just a fantasy.