Secure Attachment, The Maternal Bond That Sets Us Free

It has been more than half a century since John Bowlby published his research with which he laid the foundations of what later became known as the Attachment Theory. Moving away from the mainstream psychoanalytic current at the time, Bowlby stated that the baby’s need to be cared for and protected was just as essential to its health as it was to be fed.

For the first time, they began to talk about the importance of the emotional bond that the baby establishes with its caregivers (mainly, with the mother) in its first years of life. This bond is decisive (for life) in the construction of the personality and, depending on its nature, the child is predisposed to grow up in a balanced and healthy way or to develop serious psychological problems.

The baby’s ties to the mother

Bowlby’s ideas were the starting point for a whole series of scientific studies on childhood that analyzed, according to the behavior of their caregivers, the type of attachment that children develop.

A Bowlby collaborator, Mary Ainsworth, delved into the study of Attachment theory and developed an observational tool to analyze the interactions of mothers with their babies (and vice versa), known as the “Strange Situation. “

To study the type of bond that babies had with their mothers, Ainsworth observed mothers playing in a room with their children. At one point, the mother would leave the room, leaving the baby with a stranger. After a while, the mother would go back in and the reaction that the little one had when he was reunited with his mother was analyzed.

Types of attachment

The results of the “Strange Situation” observations led Ainsworth to describe three basic types of attachment.

1. Secure attachment

Children cry when the mother leaves, but are comforted when she returns.

2. Anxious-avoidant attachment

Children show little anxiety when the mother leaves, but avoid it when she returns. They are children who withdraw and do not show their emotions.

3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment

Children show anxiety when their mother leaves, but when their mother returns, their behavior is ambivalent. They look for the mother and subsequently reject her.

4. Disorganized attachment

Hazan and Shaver described this type of attachment, which adds to Ainsworth’s list. Children need their mother to survive, but at the same time, it is their own mother that generates fear and anxiety. We find this type of attachment in children who are victims of abuse or neglect.

In a series of articles for the From the Consultation section, I would like to delve into each of these different types of attachment to analyze the bond that parents have with the baby in each case and the short and long-term consequences of each type of attachment.

How is secure attachment

65% of the babies were securely attached, according to Ainsworth’s observations. When their mother was present in the room, they felt safe to explore the surroundings, having her as a reference and turning from time to time to check that she was still there.

These babies showed signs of anguish and concern when the mother left and cried when she was slow to return, but when she entered the room again, they reacted with relief and joy when they saw her, and soon they were back to playing quietly and exploring the place. at your own pace.

In the mother’s interactions with the baby, it was observed that she gave her frequent displays of affection and was willing to attend to her baby’s requests when required. In short, she was a caring and loving mother with her baby.

The work of Bowlby and Ainsworth has provided a solid foundation for the respectful parenting stream that is gaining momentum in our society.

Respecting children is not a passing fad, but has scientific confirmation (it seems that even affection needs the permission of science) of what intuition already told us, that a loving and attached upbringing, what is known also as natural upbringing, it constitutes the basis for the development of a healthy and balanced personality.

If they feel loved and protected, children grow up with high self-esteem and a positive self- concept. These children, empathetic and cooperative, trust themselves and do not see the other as an enemy, so they know how to work in groups and help others to achieve a common goal.

They are also capable of defending themselves in situations of injustice, even when they are committed by adults. They have no problem expressing their point of view and they do so by arguing assertively, without the need to resort to shouting or violence of any kind.

Facing abuse: the case of Rubén

I remember the case of Rubén, the son of some friends, who knew that the treatment that both he and his companions were receiving at the hands of a swimming instructor was unworthy and disrespectful. Rubén told his parents that all his classmates kept quiet when the monitor yelled at them, blackmailed them, punished them, made fun of them or manipulated them.

Only he realized that the treatment they received was not adequate and knew how to oppose and refuse when the teacher tried to force him to do something for which he was not prepared. Rubén knew how to say “no” and explain to his parents the danger of attending classes with that monitor.

Of course, his parents looked for a better place for their son to teach swimming lessons.

Secure attachment in adults

Adults who have experienced this secure attachment in their childhoods are people with high self-esteem who trust their judgment and do not feel dependent on the opinions of others to manage life.

This does not mean that they do not have difficulties, but when they do arise, they have more tools to deal with anxiety and stress in a balanced way. Even in the face of serious trauma, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, it has been found that people who enjoyed a secure attachment in their childhood reacted and recovered in a healthier and more balanced way than other victims whose childhoods had been more insecure and unstable.