Without Manias: 3 Ways To Overcome Your Obsessions

The obsession with cleanliness tries to avoid that inevitable degree of dirt; that of order, not to lose anything or not feel lost … Manias, those behaviors that make us seem strange in the eyes of others, appear when we try to get rid of anxiety, discomfort or problems.

The solution is always to admit these feelings and understand that life also includes a bit of discomfort.

Manias and obsessions: what do they consist of?

We call manias those obsessive acts and thoughts that, although small, undermine our quality of life and that of the people around us.

Obviously, I am not referring here to the pathological manias suffered by people with certain disorders but to those others, much less obvious, that even pass as “normal” as common as they are.

Although it is believed that the people most prone to manias are the elderly and those who live alone, the truth is that they are ingrained in a wide variety of people. Any of us can “hunt” in the middle of “maniacal ritual” when least expected: demanding excessive order, exaggerated cleanliness and hygiene or taking disproportionate security measures and little adjusted to the real danger.

If there is a trait that is repeated in all hobbies, without exception, it is that of rigidity : a stubbornness and hardness that leads us to become true puppets at the service of our inflexible habits and the beliefs that sustain them, well be aware or unconscious.

1. They are very resistant to changes

The longer we practice a certain mania, the greater the resistance to abandon it, because people prefer to adapt reality to our mental schemes rather than adapt our schemes and customs to reality.

It seems childish and self-centered, but we usually do it because it is more comfortable to control our little outside world than to rethink our way of thinking and acting.

2. They generalize

Hence, normally, our hobbies are accompanied by similar ones. For example, we are not mortified that all the hangers in our closets are not positioned in the same direction, but we also feel the need to apply this rule to towels, ties and records.

Because order, perfectionism, is something great for many. But when we need to act beyond our own will to calm, we do not know what strange anxiety, we are not only losing a huge part of freedom but we are generating in others a concern that arises from the attempt to appease ours.

3. They feed back

Just as a new cigarette quenches the anxiety that the previous one generated, complying with the ritual of a mania also reduces the restlessness caused by a certain previous situation. A circumstance of reality that is undoubtedly going to repeat itself and through which we are going to delve into the vicious circle.

And it is that abandoning a compulsive habit seems to threaten our stability and our balance, when what really creates the feeling of insecurity is precisely our fixed network of beliefs that limit and impoverish our vision of reality and our relationships with the world that around us.

Why do we become maniacs?

For the same reason that we maintain the rest of the habits of our life: because they fulfill some function.

And although the list of possible reasons for each type of mania could be endless, we could reduce them to a fundamental one: the need to control the external in a failed attempt to compensate for internal imbalances.

How to overcome our obsessions

To overcome our manias, we can rely on three basic pillars: discipline or state of concentration, distraction or state of self-controlled dispersion and the sense of balance or state of personal self-control.

1. Submit to discipline

Self-control, effort and discipline are currently highly reviled concepts because they tend to identify with their most radical extreme: self-repression. But discipline is to the person what the mold is to clay: it is what gives him or her shape.

And since we are only competent in what we practice, discipline becomes the backbone that backs up our power and capabilities: an indispensable tool to exercise our will.

There is a beautiful story about a man who feels sorry for a butterfly that is trying to get out of its cocoon. The poor man, in his ignorance, makes it easier for him to get out of the cocoon when, to his surprise, the butterfly remains prostrate on the ground, with its wings and legs curled up. The man, with his best intention, wanted to deprive him of his “problem” and what he finally deprived him of was the effort that would strengthen him to face life once out of the cocoon.

Thus, the resistances that prevent us from overcoming hobbies and limitations are not overcome only by being aware of them but, above all, by activating our forces and understanding that effort strengthens us.

So, to overcome our manias, we have to act as if we have already banished them from our lives. So let’s not hesitate and force ourselves to practice, ignore our resistances and bring out the power of our intention, by pushing if necessary … And once we obtain benefits, the good side of discipline will come to light; and it is that discipline is also a habit.

2. Controlled distraction

Sometimes we are so interested in knowing ourselves that we live excessively aware of the millimeter awakenings of our state of mind. However, to make our house comfortable, we cannot fill it with mirrors: we also need windows.

Distracting yourself does not imply downplaying, without more, the limitations that make us suffer so much, because it is difficult for all of us to turn our backs on what makes us feel vulnerable -and important-.

It is about being aware that our little obsessions are just our mind’s way of dominating us. They are, therefore, nothing truly real; They are only real to our mind, because it gives them attention, energy and, therefore, consistency of reality.

Our attention is like the focus of a theater, which gives prominence to what it illuminates. But we cannot forget that we are the ones behind the spotlight. And, in any case, it is of little use, on a practical level, to constantly try to illuminate the origin and why of our ills.

It is better to focus on what for and see what function the manias play in our life : we get tangled up and let the outside dominate, we feel important, neglect essential matters, draw the attention of those around us … Sometimes, manias serve even to entertain us, especially in the case of highly observant and analytical people.

When we confess to ourselves the reasons that feed our manias, we unmask them and begin to dethrone them, because, although the result is not immediate, once the light is seen it is impossible to continue denying the evidence. With the awareness and understanding of our process, we take the first step.

But, as we said, we also have to distract ourselves. Distracting yourself is not wasting time entertaining yourself with anything. Distraction is an enormously powerful weapon against manias: when we feel overwhelmed by them, we do not resist, but do not delay contemplating them either and direct our focus of attention to any activity that minimally absorbs us, so that we transform all our obsessive energy into creative energy.

Given that fighting our manias head-on is useless -because the greater our struggle, the greater our resistance too-, let us use many doses of the left hand. Let us convince ourselves that, by not paying so much attention to them, they will end up losing strength, as happened to the protagonist of A Wonderful Mind: his ghosts and fears did not magically disappear, but he took hold of them when he took away their power and credibility, their consistency. of reality.

3. The sense of balance

And finally, let us turn to our “inner wise”. No one better than us to know ourselves, to recognize with love and humility what we pursue – or what we avoid – with our behavior and to know that our existence is too sacred to be uselessly squandered with circular thoughts and obsessive behaviors.

Let us accept that in the universe there is space for everything and that nothing human is alien to us: disorder, lateness, dirt, insecurity, nerves, fatigue … all of this is part of life and we cannot control it directly.

But we can always adopt a logical, realistic and balanced attitude in the conviction that, to really coexist in freedom both with ourselves and with others, some flexibility is necessary: ​​remember that an umbrella is only useful because it can be opened and closed.