Give Me A Break

The two cups of steaming coffee sat on the living room table while Max welcomed his former student and friend Mateo. Mateo belonged to one of the last classes Max had taught and was, therefore, one of the youngest of the group. They had met again at the welcome dinner to celebrate their return from England, and Max suggested they share a coffee after the brief words they exchanged. The old professor detected that something was wrong with Mateo.
After greeting each other and sitting comfortably in the living room, Max got straight to the point:
“I noticed you were especially tense the other day, is something wrong with you?”
–Well, look, yes, I won’t beat around the bush either… I have problems with Ana, my partner.

In fact, he has openly proposed to me that we take a break in our relationship.
– Has he given you a reason?
– No, his explanations are limited to one sentence: “Give me a break.”

Max inquired about the relationship between Mateo and Ana, and especially about the way Mateo behaved with her. After considering that he already had all the necessary information, he said:
–Why don’t you finish your coffee and we go out for a walk?

They went out into the garden and Max led Mateo to a nearby meadow. Pointing to a group of butterflies that went from flower to flower, he asked,
“How could you get one of these butterflies to land on your hand?”

Mateo was puzzled. He did not understand at all what all this was about. But trusting in Max, he replied:
–I don’t know, you tell me.
-Check it. Sit next to those flowers, extend your arm and open your hand wide, palm up. Stay in that position without moving.

In a few minutes, a butterfly landed on the palm of Mateo’s hand. Then Max suggested,
“It’s perfect.” Stay like this for a few more seconds. Now … little by little, close your hand …

Mateo began to close his hand very slowly and, despite the care with which he did so, the butterfly immediately flew off. Max terminated the experiment, and suggested to Mateo that they continue their walk.
–What you have just experienced is the answer to your conflict. Ana is your butterfly.

He let Mateo reflect on what had just happened and make his own map of the situation. Finally, and before the silence of his friend, he continued:

–The butterfly has only remained in your hand while it has felt free. The moment it sensed that you were trying to hunt it, it immediately flew away. When you started your relationship, you welcomed Ana with an outstretched hand. She came to you because she wanted to and because she had chosen it that way. In recent times, you have been permanently on top of her, telling her what to do and what not to do, what seemed good to you but, above all, what seemed wrong to you. You have been deciding for her and forcing her to take steps that she does not want or is not ready to take… You have closed your hand. And the butterfly wants to take flight.

Mateo listened carefully and realized the deep meaning of his teacher’s words. Max was right. He was restricting Ana’s freedom, and desperately wanted her to follow his plans, feeling disappointed when he sensed her discrepancy. There was a very long silence that Max decided not to interrupt. He knew that his friend was making sense of his reflections, which ended when he asked:

“Max, will the butterfly land on my hand again?”
It depends on whether she feels that she does it because she chooses it, if she feels that she maintains her freedom.
“It will be difficult for me to keep my hand open.” Because I want her with me…
–And I understand it, but it ‘s your only chance. You will have her closer the less pressured she feels. When I perceive that your hand is and will always be open …

The sun was setting and the temperature began to drop sharply. They returned home and made a comforting second coffee. After a hearty chat, Mateo said goodbye to Max to go home.

Max didn’t hear from Mateo for quite some time. He often thought of his former student and wondered if he had solved his problem with Ana. One fine day the answer came by e-mail. Mateo sent him a photo with a beautiful butterfly perched on Mateo’s outstretched hand.