Less Loneliness And More Community: The Healing Power Of The Group

The swaying of the sea can be seen as a wave that rises and vanishes alone or as an infinite movement of each wave with the others. In Western society today the first perception predominates.

We are in the era of “I can”, “I know”, “I am” … “I” is prioritized over “we”. The power of the individual is continually exalted and everything seems justified in the name of self-realization.

But this historical gain derived from the commitment to individual freedom has brought with it a predominantly narcissistic type of individual, closer to selfishness than solidarity.

“Individualism is the product of a world in which individuals lack deep ties and live society as an alien entity. It is the moral of a society that pretends to be civilized, but which is sustained by a latent selfishness and a poorly concealed hostility “, warns the sociologist Helena Béjar in her book The intimate environment. Privacy, individualism and modernity .

In fact, some experts say that it is the moment in history when most people live alone. Relationships are steeped in skepticism and fear.

We need to share the joys and sorrows

Sobonfu Somé, one of the main voices of African spirituality, travels the world explaining the traditions of his country, Burkina Faso, and of his tribe, the Dagara.

When he arrived in the United States, he did not believe some of our customs. He met a girl who had a serious problem. He heard her crying alone in the bathroom and asked if she was okay. She said yes, but something was wrong.

“The people who should support her were not there,” says Sobonfu. “I felt the conflict. When my grandmother died I was overwhelmed by an immense, devastating grief that I could not overcome. I was blocked by a feeling of rage, betrayal and even I hate. Everyone around me wailed and took turns comforting me. “

In his very poor country of origin, explains Sobonfu, there is no water or rooms, but everything is shared.

“Everything yours belongs to the community, even your children. You grow up understanding that you have hundreds of fathers and mothers and countless siblings. Problems are not private either. If you have a problem you can never solve it alone, you lack the necessary distance to understand its origin and find a solution. You have to leave it up to the community. So when I first heard someone here say ‘I have a problem’, I was very scared. “

In other cultures, community is seen as the guiding light, the comforting support, a place where people come together to fulfill their life’s mission and to care for one another.

It is permissible to be vulnerable and it is not mandatory to always be self-reliant. One feels accompanied and less alone both in joy and in difficulty.

For Sobonfu, “if you have a group of people around you who care about you and say: ‘You are doing well! We want you to be with us and offer us your gifts’, that helps you to give your best “.

The most significant moments in the life of a human being are celebrated in community through different rituals and are lived in one way or another depending on the values ​​of the group.

In fact without contact with other humans we could not learn to speak. And language is the basis of thought. Without him we would have no identity.

The group is the place to give and receive

From this perspective, the power of the individual cannot be detached from the community that helps them to be born and grow and that helps its members discover their innate values ​​so that they can deliver them to life. Without that offering the community dies.

And without the community, the individual has no place to contribute. The group balances : it is the place where it is given and received. It offers security, confidence and comfort.

There is a deep longing in every human being to believe in something greater than himself and a latent discomfort at the emptiness that our current lifestyle has generated. At least that denotes some social movements that are developing today.

One of them is the proliferation of ecovillages, a commitment to living in a community that respects others and nature.

“There is a tremendous effervescence to break with individualism and competitiveness and live with more awareness,” Kevin Lluch, spokesman for the Iberian Ecovillage Network , recently told La Vanguardia .

He did so in an article that reflected the need for many people today to create a community in which relationships are more genuine and the bond with nature is closer and more harmonious.

In France there is more and more talk of “realianza”, a term that expresses a return to “us”, the need for a new individual who spreads outward looking for a community that integrates not only other people, but also others. animals, nature, the planet, the cosmos …

After a work of personal development (in which meditation is often present), you learn to re-link with others in a framework of interdependence, exchange and collaboration, without relationships of dependency or domination / submission.

They long to enjoy work that makes sense, they want to be useful to the world and, without denying pleasure, they consume in moderation.

Earth is the great community

The followers of the “realianza” believe that a wave is not understood by itself, but in movement with the others, and they feel that all beings in the universe make up a community in which each one has a role, occupies a place and exercises an influence, just as mysteriously the flapping of a butterfly in London can unleash a hurricane in Honk Kong.

His conception of a “community” is reminiscent of the definition given by biology: the interaction of living organisms that share a common habitat.

And it goes back to the origin of the word, which comes from the Latin communitas , which in turn comes from the Latin prefix cum –with– joined to the word munus –burden, debt, mutual obligation.

The word munus was understood then as “a gift that compels exchange”, so that the derived adjective communis actually meant the one who has gifts to be exchanged.

It would not be a fallacy to assure that the Earth is the environment shared by all the organisms that live on it; that is, we constitute a community.

Indeed, when an individual considers himself to be part of a totality, seeking the good of all is desiring his own good. The self-interest and the interest of the community to which it belongs does not live in a divided way.

Taking care of others represents taking care of yourself. You can exchange gifts within your community feeling reciprocal.

Master Thich Nhat Hanh, a peace activist, has undoubtedly contributed to developing this interpretation of Humanity as a great community.

Showing off his wisdom, full of simplicity, he explained in one of his multitudinous meetings that his right hand had written many poems. “My left hand has not written any. But my right hand does not think that the left is useless. It has no superiority complex and is therefore very happy. And my left hand does not feel inferior. Both have the wisdom of non-discrimination “.

“I remember one day,” he continued, “hitting a nail I hit the finger of my left hand. I left the hammer so that the right hand would embrace the left hand with affection.” “The right hand did not say to the left: ‘You know, I have taken care of you and you have to return this favor in the future.’ They do not think like that! My left hand also did not say: ‘Right hand, you have done me a lot damage, give me that hammer! I want justice! ‘And it is that both hands know that they are united and are equal “.